I (N)ever was Strong

To the date as far as I can remember, I wasn't strong enough.  I never was.

As a child I was frequently sick. I can still feel how I bothered my parents. I still can feel my dad's sweat from his back as he carried me (along with luggage)  all the way to the nearest health worker -a day long walk without rest, and at the day's end meeting with somebody saying the BHU is closed as Men Babu (an epithet given to health worker) is on leave.
It never would
have been easy for my mom too- caring a dozen of kids is almost mission impossible  today but she did. As a child who gets sick frequently, how she would have felt to me while she has to raise a dozen of kids? i really would have been something nobody would like but she cared.

Note: This image is my own property

As I grew I begin depending of my brothers and sisters.  I know how hard it would be helping me aside "keeping-themselves-alive.


As a young student I was always scared of teachers (but I don't know why). I never felt secured during my primary school days.  I never would spend a minute of my free hours at school. And  I remember how I would find somewhere to hide when teachers would sometimes visit my home. (Today when I look back into my academic transcripts of those days my result never was below rank third from my classes, however) I never was strong.

Secondary school. I never had many friends. Today I don't remember many of my secondary school friends because I never was close to them. I never would spend time with friends. And for that too I find myself never being strong.
High school days-the most emotional stage I ever had (as of now). That was a stage of transition. Everything changed as I attained it. I was to live in a boarding school. (One understands how special siblings are when you are far away from home and stays as a boarding school.) That's the stage when I began to understand the charm of having so many friends. (Of course that was the beginning of me gaining maturity). I began to grow emotionally. But I was lost on the way- I fell in love with somebody. I got into a relationship. With relationship came many things-the things anybody would understand once gotten into it. I wasn't strong in my high school days too.


After high school the biggest dare game (CHOOSING THE RIGHT COLLEGE, indeed I should say right career) came. I wasn't confident enough when that day came. (However I am thankful to those who "convinced" me that what I am doing now would be a better choice.) And today I stay in a big doubt how can i excel my choice (because things aren't as easy as I thought of). Sometimes dreaming something and working towards it is devastating as holocaust as things don't work as one may think.

So I am a gross-never-strong kind of man. That's neither my family's mistake nor my environment but myself. I never lived a strong life.

And if you read this to the end, if you're a parent  (or would be parent) and future parent LET YOUR KIDS DEVELOP EMOTIONALLY TOO. And personally feel yourself powered, radiate yourself with confidence and don't forget to set a dream for life.