Sonam's Story Continues

I know Sonam from my high school. He’s a year junior to me, let me be specific he’s a class lower than me. I was by then in class twelve when I first met him and began to get enchanted in his charms.

High school days are always memorable, may be because those days changed the tide of my life. Before letting you know how did it change the tide, its better I share a bit more about Sonam. The first time I saw him was during a Quiz Contest conducted by the school. His performance was awesome I must say. He answered almost all the questions. I was in the middle of the sea of audience so I couldn’t see his face unless a question was forward to the audience after none of contestants could answer it. I knew the answer. Abruptly, I stood up. It took a few minutes to reach microphone to me. That ‘a-few-minutes’ was the beginning of my eyes following him. The instant I saw him well, I felt something different, and something you may not understand unless you feel it. I’m sure; you’re thinking I began to fall in love with him, aren’t you?

But that wasn’t the first time he saw me. He saw me dancing, playing walking, talking, speaking, singing, almost everything that was possible. I knew him later that he was unknowingly ‘following’ me everywhere. But that’s not a deal. The most exciting thing happened is he became my facebook friend. I liked chatting with him.

Wanna know more about Sonam? I’ll show something from his blog. But mind you, I’m not copyrighted to expose his works. It’s between me and you only huh…because I trust you…

When I was in my high school, I thought of blogging. I thought of writing. I thought of reading many books. My dreams were simple. I tried doing all of these. I know I tried my best but the things weren’t the way I dreamed. I never could reach my dreams. I couldn’t blog because in high schools (in Bhutan) use of electronic gadgets is not permitted. Only the electronic gadget one may see (officially) in a boarding school like the one I studied, one will not find any electronic gadgets used by students except idiotic scientific calculators. This made me impossible to blog. Then my dream changed. I begin to think of a new thing: stop dreaming of blogging. The next thing that came into the line was about reading books “as many as I can”. However, I failed in this too. Class twelve would mean a turning point in a student’s life in Bhutan. There’s no way other than to get completely dragged into texts and notes. It was impossible even to read books as I wished. What’s the Next? Writing was the next agenda.  I thought writing would help me even in exams. I started spending some of my some time in writing every evening. But I couldn’t carry on for long duration with that writing-thing because I had to study, study and study, or else thought came to me, I may not get anywhere to continue my education after my high school. Writing too was impossible. At last all of my dreams got procrastinated. I shifted these dreams to my college life. I was too ambitious to do anything.

And today, I’m already a college student but I’m doing nothing to reach my dreams. I find myself doing nothing but engaged in so many stuffs reaching nowhere. I find myself too lazy even to do my home works. I find myself hard to complete my assignments on time. However, I’m doing nothing. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t play. I don’t go for parties. I don’t go out for dates. But where’s my time going? Why don’t I get myself confident enough to do what I dream? What are my dreams if I’m not to fulfill it? What if I die before getting none of these done?

In the classes I give my full attention. I try to be as accurate as I can in the practical classes but I never get more than 8 out of 10. I try being as active as possible in the classes but I’m never the one who answers the tutors as soon as the questions are being thrown to the class.

Poor me! I am sometimes thinking I am never going to succeed in my life. Nevertheless, I’m still hoping one day I will be reaching at least one of my dreams.  Or I may not. I may lose everything.

See Sonam is always pissed off… This worries me. I made a mistake of “neglecting’ him (or this must’ve been a blessing to me)…

I’ve some pieces of write-ups of him. He sent these to me while I was in my first semester. Yeah, (stand up to collect the file from the shelf) I like his writing just the way I liked him once (gets back to sit, open it gently, get her spectacles and starts reading).

Prologue

1-1-2015

I can assure myself that I've amazing imaginations in the stream of thoughts within me. Every day, every time and everywhere I think of scribbling it down and make my pages the most beautiful thing I think of but the things aren't what I dream of. It's easy to dream but making it into reality is quite another. This makes me alone, I guess. None can make my thoughts expressed but my paper and the pen that do me a lot of miracles unknowingly. When I find myself doing so, I try making it happen...however, poor me, I just can't live up to the expectations of my own thoughts.

Today, I'm trying something new. Like most of the prolific writers did and do, I try exploring the inspiration locked within the fascinations of the nature's beauty. I can see the sun setting with a scene I can't draw into this page. Let me say it's amazing, may be because it's the New Year... LOL. The rays from the sun are getting fainter and the clouds getting darker from its violet tint. The air is getting cooler making me feel my fingers kind of arthritic joints.

....now I can see the sun nowhere...all I can see is nothing but the sky with its clouds getting even more darker, the air even cooler and the imaginations even more jammed...terrible traffic ....

Hmmm... I just can't figure myself what's worth mentioning here. I keep staring to the west. Everything's silent... And I find a couple walking. I hunch they must be out for a date. They disappear. Memories appear like it happened yesterday....

Chapter 1:

The Day When a Stranger Came

When something goes wrong in one's life, everything seems to be imperfect, rude, breathtaking and of course prudent. Sometimes everything becomes a matter of horror, just the way nightmares scare already scared fools, hollowness filled with shadows, sometimes referred to as emptiness grows. Sometimes it becomes as hard as an uproar of pang; and this pandemonium goes unsung until we are blessed with virtues of another awesome panorama. It was during such a moment, ever first time in my life when a stranger came into my life, blessed me with a lot of motivational inspirations and sometimes she must have turned the tide of my life. Indeed I believe she did it. And it haunts me with glory, generates authentically miraculous marvel but there still exists a mystery within me how was it possible, what made it possible and had it been really possible.

I couldn't convince myself what it must be termed to such a terrible feeling-nervous? Nope; apprehensive? Nope; mad? Nope. I thought of many words but found none to be suitable. But later I decided it must be loneliness. Filled with so-called loneliness, I hurried to my bed delved into my bag, took out my old yet effective mobile phone and logged into Facebook as I did usually.

Facebook has been always an amazing portal in my life. It was a gateway for me into so many directions of life. It must have ensured me with so many lessons as and so many bad things too. But without it, I would feel that my emotions go defunct-in short it was my drug and yes I was addicted to it.

There was no message, no notification, no request---nothing. Having nothing to do, I posted on my status:

I c@n b£ rOm£0 but

I find juli£t nowhere!!!

Hardly did it get posted than I logged out and readied myself to go for dinner.

Great changes in one's life comes in bits and that bits remain as scars on one's fate forever; it's a truth but may depend and differ with respect to one's experience. Experience, often comes as a blessing but cases develop where it comes as a lesson. For me, that scar and the experience that came upon me as a lesson was that unprecedented day when I found myself held in the tentacles of lies of my so-called ever first crush Dechen.

While talking about Dechen I'm reminded by a story I wrote about her. I can't afford not sharing it here. The story may seem realistic but all the characters in the story are fictitious and imagination-oriented. Actually, I'm not what is presented in the story. I can't be that accomplished:

I never was and I never will be as sad as when I knew that  my beloved Dechen has betrayed me under my nose. I know, Dechen was a charming girl with well-positioned nose, lovely lips, puffy eyes and silky hair running like a rivulet cascading down her back.

 It was an early morning when I came out from my long deep slumber as I'd a tedious and heavy work on the previous day. Sun started its journey but was still hiding behind the hills. It was chilly outside. I walked to the toilet brushing my teeth while my phone beeped under my pillow. I rushed back and received the call.

"Hi there!" I said with a tinge of drowsines. "Who are you?"

"It's me Dechen..." She admitted.

She seemed weary and bit angry. So I disrupted her and said, "What's wrong? Anything wrong with you?" I almost blurted out.

She murmured, "I can't love you now." She was stuttering. "I....I....never loved you and you're never meant for me!"

 I just couldn't think over. I cried, "Are you mad? Or are you dreaming? Are you......"

Before I could finish, she said, "I know you are shocked."

"Shocked?"

"Yeah, you must be." She admitted so confidently. "Sonam I can't be with such a poor man like you."

I couldn't breathe in. It made me as good as dead. I felt as if my heart came came out and fell down deep into the dirty drains of a street.

 But I didn't hung up. I said, "But why are you so harsh like that on me? Why you didn't say this earlier? Why are you doing this? Do you love me being hurt?........" Words flowed continuously though I couldn't figure out myself what I was saying.

She answered seductively, "Sonam, don't mind me. I'm just like that. You really did a great blunder loving me."

I couldn't hold on listening to her. I shouted, "Dechen! Is it....."

She interrupted, "Sorry, Sonam. I'm getting married soon. You may also come for the party. It will be of a great pleasu...."

I ended the the call.

 I felt I was really lost _ my hopes, my dreams, my wishes... I was mad of her desperate call of my patience. I couldn't resist it. But there was no way. I should have done something bad to her but I couldn't. Since then I never met her.

 More the time past, more the vindictive I became.

 Ten years past just like that. I'd my own life and wife by then. I'd a prestigious job as a Chief Editor of The Bhutan Buzz, a well known Bhutan's  private newspaper.  By then, I'd even published several books.

 One day,  while walking along the pavement above my newly built building, I met wit Dechen.  She smiled with a laughter behind her face and said, "Hi! Sonam, how are you? You've become really handsome..." She flirted.

"Hi! I'm fine. It’s nice to meet you."

Before Dechen could say anything I said, "Where do you live?"

"Me?" She smiled and continued, "Aieee.... Sonam, I've a husband of such wealth that I live in that building. It's really beautiful, isn't it?" She pointed to my own newly constructed  building ad she said it.

"Great to know!" I praised her. "Zai... Giwala.. You're furnished with such wealth, j can't believe!"

 She accepted excruciatingly. I scrutinized her from her tip of toe to her head while somebody interrupter. "Sir, where are you going?" He asked me.

 This must have shocked Dechen. She said, "Karma, do you know him?" She seemed to be curious to know.

Before he could answer I enquired her, "Is he your husband?"

"Yes! He works as a journalist for The Bhutan Buzz."

 I laughed lopsidedly while she asked, "Anything wrong about him? Isn't he handsome??

I nodded.

Karma introduced me as if Dechen never knew me. "He's Sonam. He is my boss!"

 Dechen blushed, masked her face with redness and went away!                                      

In my high school, after dinner was Night Study, an hour designated exclusively for studying what is taught. I am sure everyone, especially those who had to attend these kinds of hours, understands how “boring” it is. Often I would count minutes by minutes to let it come to the end. That day, I had lots of homework  which made me feel like an hour’s just five minutes. (It happens and proves Einsteins Relativity to be true, in a scientific approach...)

The bell rang. As usual I hurried back to hostel. Changed my dressed , went out for a shower and started to get covered under blanket and logged into facebook...

13 notifications.

2 friend request.

7 messages.

Those 13 notifications brought a change between us. This is the beginning of our love story.

Chatting with him… I need to repeat the word awesome here too because there’s no other to replace it. Chatting with him was awesome. Every time I saw him online his time was mine. I know I didn’t allow others chat with him as I kept him busy. We began chatting ranging from personal thing to philosophical levels. And another thing about him, he talks like a philosopher and lies like biased journalist. I envied others chatting with him. May be that was the beginning of our love. Facebook was the cradle of our romance.

Should I continue reading (she enquires)...